I Thought I Knew

Once upon a time, I thought I knew who the Lord would have me marry….fast forward a year and a half later, and this “fairytale” does not end in a happily ever after.

This morning I sat down to continue reading through 1 Samuel. In 1 Samuel 16, Samuel is going to Bethlehem to anoint the new king of Israel. God sends him without exact knowledge of who he is looking for.

Verse 6 says, “When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, “surely the Lord’s anointed stands here before the Lord.”” The next verse is God telling him he is wrong.

This morning that hit me so hard; because I used to look at the man I thought The Lord was speaking into my heart with intention for marriage and think, “surely who the Lord chose for my husband stands before me.” and I was so wrong.

As a year and a half of investment in one another came crashing down, nothing made any sense to me. I realized that the relationship we had been pursuing was no longer satisfying to God – or really to either one of us. Even in knowing that we were both better off, it was so hard to lose my best friend. I still questioned everything. How could I have been so clear on what I thought was the Lord’s plan but be so tragically wrong?  I questioned almost every aspect of my faith and my relationship with God.

I started to doubt that I was close to The Lord and I even began to question my salvation. How could I intimately know God if I can’t even pick out His voice? This crushed me even more – which led to some serious sin.

Here in Stillwater, I have been abundantly blessed with some of the best friends a girl could ever in a million years ask for; they saw this devastation in my life and were the hands and feet of Jesus in pulling me from my pit. I will never be able to thank them enough for their relentless love.

And that brings me back to what I learned this morning. I was really really wrong about God’s plan for my future. I was wrong about the Lord’s choosing of a person. But that’s ok!

Because if the rock star that is Samuel can be wrong about the Lord’s choosing of a person, then of course I can (and will) be too. And it doesn’t mean that he was a wayward person or that I was either – just that God knew better! (HALLELUJAH, amirite?)

Thinking you know God’s plan, then it all falling out from under you, hurts – I don’t want to downplay that. Because I think it actually hurts a whole lot worse when you have been convinced something is for sure in His will only to find out it was not His ultimate plan.

BUT, there is so much to be learned from it. In verse 7, “the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.””

So out of Samuel choosing the wrong person, the Lord taught him what He was actually looking for. God turned Samuel’s mistake into an opportunity to learn and to draw closer to His heart and what He desires.

He pointed Samuel in the right direction & gave him another chance to make the right choice. He still does that for me and He still does that for you.



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